Sunday, May 18, 2008

*****Warning!!!! Read at your own Risk*******

Mother's Day was a week ago.... and I feel I have put off this post long enough. It is not that I don't want to talk about my mother, it is just that it brings to the surface some very tender emotions. I am posting this mainly for and to her, however, if you would like to read, please do so with an open mind. It has now been 18 months since mother passed away and at times it still feels like a dream. I know that she is still there. I know that she hugs and kisses me when I need it. I know she whispers words of comfort in my ear and is ever mindful of me, my emotions and my struggles. And even though I know these things, the ache is still there, the sadness permeates my mind, and I miss her dearly. Although Mother's Day is an earthly holiday, I know it is acknowledged in Heaven because I am not the only person who celebrates motherhood in this way. Those mothers who have passed know they are celebrated here on Earth and I think they take pause to turn their minds to us as our minds are turned to them. These are my thoughts to my mother:

Dear Mom,

Miss you.... a lot. The struggles continue. So many times I have needed to call and ask you some words of advice. How to handle so very tough situations that have arisen. I wish my kids could see you and have you in their lives. Kesslynn still looks like you and I hope that she always does. Sometimes we wonder what kind of legacy we will leave behind when we leave this earth, but mom I want you to know that your legacy is in me and Dave and Tenille and Talon. It lives in Kairi and Kesslynn. It lives in the people we all have become and will become. The girls are growing so big. Kesslynn is talking, and walking and driving me crazy when she and Kairi team up against me. They sometimes speak of the ties that bind and I want you to know that in our family those ties had your name written on them. WE MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU. I wish that I could have known how much I love you before you died. I can't wait for the day when I get to have your arms around me again and for my arms to be around you. I hope I never disappoint you. I hope I always live up to your expectations of me, your dreams for me and your hopes for me. I LOVE YOU. Love, Heidi